


Monsters Inside.

by WhoranFeels



Category: 9-1-1 (TV), 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: Drug Addiction, Drug Use, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:54:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26497474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhoranFeels/pseuds/WhoranFeels
Summary: "You should talk to someone about why you felt compelled to do something so suicidal?”TK started to tell him about the monsters inside, but he couldn’t finish.TK had a problem with falling in love too fast.Or the one where TK relapses while recovering from his injury, and he discovers what rock bottom truly is.
Relationships: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand, Evan "Buck" Buckley/TK Strand, TK Strand & Original Character(s), TK Strand/Owen Strand
Comments: 1
Kudos: 67





	Monsters Inside.

**Author's Note:**

> I recently rewatched 9-1-1: Lone Star, and I realized that they didn't address how TK was handling his pain after the surgery (especially as an addict). I looked on Tumblr to see what some theories are, and this loosely based off of someone's post about how in the following season they'll address it with an episode called "Monsters Inside." 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this long winded drabble.

TK loved to invite danger (he thinks he’s like his father in that way). 

Tonight was no different. 

Tonight he was on a mission, and that mission was to get laid, particularly by a certain senior he’d been crushing on for the past nine months. It was the end of the year, and this was the last chance that he would have to impress NIck. 

TK knew that Nick was bad in all the right ways. 

First of all he was older by three and a half years. 

Second of all he had tattoos. 

Third, and most bad of all, he had a reputation.

Nick was beautiful in the “I’m going to wreck your life kind of way,” and TK wanted to dance with the monsters tonight.

TK had spent the past 18 years of his life being a good boy, and now that he is in college he is ready to let himself go (or at least that’s what he’s been telling himself since he arrived). 

“TK!” TK was dragged out of his thoughts by his one, and only best friend in L.A. Buck. “If you keep staring you’re gonna start drooling.” 

TK faked a chuckled, and playfully nudge his shoulder, “I’m going to fuck him tonight.” 

Buck laughed, “you say that every night. Besides I’m pretty sure he would do the fucking.” 

“I mean it this time,” TK answered, deciding to ignore the latter comment. TK took a shot, and walked over to Nick. “Hi Nick!” TK cursed himself for being too energetic. 

Nick ignored him. 

“Hello Nick.” He said again with a little more determination, and a little less “young gay kid” giddiness. 

Nick continued to ignore him. 

“Hi, my name is TK and I’m fucking you tonight.”

In a spur of the moment TK ’s lips had smashed into Nick’s. He could feel how startled Nick became as he relaxed into the kiss. Nick’s tongue explored TK’s mouth and he felt as if he was melting. He finally was able to feel the warmth of Nick’s skin on his, and taste his mouth. 

It was more than he could have ever dreamed off. 

TK got a little wrapped up in the kiss, and didn’t notice that among the beauty of it all Nick had transferred a pill into his mouth. He swallowed it. 

“You’ll know where to find me when you’re ready,” he exited, still empowered by his pseudo-confidence. 

“Where the fuck did that come from?” Buck asked. 

TK shrugged his shoulders, “I don’t know. I’m being who I am.” 

TK was too naïve to know that instead of dancing with monsters, he had invited the monsters inside of him. This moment was the start of his downfall. The clarity that the pill provided him left him searching for more. 

He told himself he would never get addicted. 

He wasn’t that kind of guy. 

Summer passed and the pill he took to make the party more fun became the pills he took to get through the day. 

School started, and he thought he could keep his life in balance but then he started missing meetings, missing classes, missing assignments. 

He came home for Thanksgiving, and the first thing his father said to him was “you look different Tyler.” TK knew that he had hit rock bottom (he was about to fail out of college), so he nearly overdosed while his dad was cutting the Thanksgiving turkey. 

It was rehab after that, and then NYC Fire Department. 

Life was good until he hit rock bottom again.

TK thought he knew what rock bottom felt like. He had been there too many times to count. 

Turns out that rock bottom isn’t getting your heartbroken and relapsing. It isn’t even having to move to Texas and partake in dumb group therapy. Rock bottom is when you have a job you love, a father who does everything for you, and a boyfriend who loves you unconditionally and yet you cannot help but dive.Rock bottom is when the monsters inside his mind multiply and creep down to overtake his heart. 

TK knows he has officially reached rock bottom, but TK can’t let them know. 

He can’t face the crew. He knows drugs and working don't add up, but it gives him the energy to do things he wouldn’t do in a million years.

TK was too ashamed to show them that he failed. He had made a big declaration while high on adrenaline about being an addict, and a firefighter.

He doesn’t want to see their faces when they find out. 

At that moment his father had asked him if he was sure about his choice...he should have said no. 

TK’s father had seen him fall apart before, and he didn’t want to see the look on Owen’s face when he realized that TK had failed again. 

In the past twelve months TK has danced with death more times than he has ever wanted. 

The fear of overdosing, and leaving his father to find his lifeless body overwhelmed him. 

He wants to stop, he knows he should stop.

So he stops, but his body betrays his mind and he starts to get the shakes. 

How can he hold  papi when he can’t even control his body?

So he takes another pill to avoid the look on Carlos’ face when he realizes that the man he is dating is still a no good junkie.

TK thinks he fell in love with Carlos when he wiped the crud off his face in that police station. Carlos saw right through his tough demeanor. 

He said, “You should talk to someone about why you felt compelled to do something so suicidal?”

TK started to tell him about the monsters inside, but he couldn’t finish. 

TK has a problem with falling in love too fast. He fell in love with Buttercup too fast, he fell in love with the crew too fast, he fell in love with Carlos too fast. 

He told his father he couldn’t fall in love with one more thing he was going to lose, and he meant it.

He got shot, and he loved that Carlos was there but he knew he was going to lose him at some point. 

He pushed him away, and it almost worked but the accident ruined everything. 

TK needed Carlos

He went to the doctors, they gave him more stitches, and he spent the night with Carlos (after he hid the pills his doctor gave him from his dad). 

His dad thought he’d start abusing them again, so before he left the hospital the first time he had had a lengthy discussion with his doctor on what to do to prevent a relapse. They agreed to use over the counter medications, and if it didn’t help he could start with a small dose of a stronger painkiller. 

It had worked. 

He had been good.

TK suffered through the pain most of the time. He only needed a stronger painkiller three times, and that was in the beginning of his recovery. 

He went back to work and his shoulder hurt a lot more than usual so he would pop an extra pill, or two and eventually he couldn’t go without it. He knew his shoulder had healed but he was back to popping pills like it was candy. 

He wants them to know that at first it wasn’t a problem. 

Honestly. 

He had been good. 

The monster had been bad. 

TK can admit that he had taken a little too much tonight. The sound was coming in, but he couldn’t understand where they were coming from. They were celebrating because his father had kicked cancer's ass. 

TK didn’t want to have to take a pill to get through the night, but then he started to shake, and the shakes wouldn’t stop so he took three more instead of one. 

“TK,” Carlos shook his shoulder. TK was too focused on not being high that he had stopped breathing. “Are you okay?” 

“Yeah babe.” He gave him a kiss, “I just need to go to the bathroom really quick.” TK ran to the bathroom with seconds to spare before he started vomiting in the toilet. 

“TK,” this time it was Owen’s voice and he knew he couldn’t hide in the bathroom for too long. “Are you okay?” 

“I need a minute dad.” He answered. 

“But are you okay?” He asked once again with more conviction and concern in his voice. 

TK had two options. Stay in the bathroom until he cooled down, and could feign his illness off as the flu or tell his dad that he had relapsed. 

TK wanted to stop, but the monster inside didn’t want him to stop. 

A broken sob escaped TK’s lips without his permission. He desperately placed his hands over his mouth in a sad attempt to keep it in. 

“Did you relapse?” 

TK cried even more at the words. Of course his father would know. When you’re expected to fail, what else can you do but fail? He was grateful that the door shielded him from his father’s disappointed face. 

Tonight was Owen’s night, and yet TK has made it about himself. 

“I’m sorry dad.” 

Owen sighed, he wasn’t disappointed in TK, he was disappointed in himself for not realizing it sooner. He was disappointed in the system that made TK feel shame for his illness. “Please open the door son.” 

It felt like an eternity had passed, but eventually the door clicked open. Owen embraced his broken soon in his arms, and they sat on the bathroom floor as they cried. 

“I’m sorry dad.” 

Owen brushed the hair out of TK’s eyes, “stop apologizing to me. Do you need the hospital?” 

TK shook his head, “I think I vomited most of it out.” 

They continue to sit there. TIme was still as TK’s tears turned into the occasional hiccup. When his breathing had calmed down Owen asked, “what happened?” 

“I thought I had it under control,” TK explained. “I thought I could manage my pain healthily after I started work. I didn’t want my dad babying me. I mean you were busy enough with your recovery and I didn’t want to worry you. I don’t want to go through this again. I have everything I have ever wanted now, but I still fucked up. I’m such a failure.” 

“You have a disease TK. It is not your fault.” Owen answered, “please stop blaming yourself.” 

“I knew better, but I can’t save myself.” TK replied, “I’m tired of relying on others to save me.” 

“It’s not bad to ask when you need it. It doesn’t make you weak, it makes you stronger.” 

“I love you dad.” 

“I love you too,” Owen moved himself to face TK. “I’m going to get everyone out of here. Are you okay if I leave you for a few minutes?” 

TK nodded, “please have Carlos stay.” Carlos' red and swollen eyes snapped up as Owen opened the door. He was sitting across from the door with his knees folded into his chest. Carlos. “Carlos?” 

“I’m sorry, I promise I wasn’t eavesdropping. I was just waiting for you to leave the bathroom because it had been awhile since I sent Owen in after you. I thought you had relapsed. Are you okay?” 

TK nodded, he forgot that his  papi was a police officer that knew him too well, “I am okay now.” 

“I’m going to go, Carlos should stay with you. You both should talk.” Owen exited. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” 

“If I say it it will change the way you look at me,” TK explained. He didn’t realize how much he needed Carlos until this moment. 

Carlos chuckled as he sat down and took TK’s hands into his, “if it changes the way I look at you it is because I will love you more.”

“Yeah, you were right.” TK closed his eyes, “I relapsed. I have no reason to relapse because my life is perfect. I have you, and my dad is healthy, but I’ve been overdoing it with my pills. I went too far tonight, and I’m sorry. I understand if you don't want to be with me anymore.” 

Carlos kissed TK lips with a soft and delicate ease, “I love you. I am not going anywhere.” 

They stayed in TK’s bed that night with Carlos’ big arms keeping him safe. They couldn’t sleep, so instead they laid together enjoying the warmth of the other’s chest rising up and down. 

“I’m sorry.” TK said. “I don’t know why I do these things.” 

“I think you do know TK, and I wish you felt okay talking to me about these things. I love you, and it hurts me when you suffer. I want to help you.”

“I don’t want you to feel like you have to stay because you’re afraid I’ll do something stupid. I’m an adult, and I make my own choices.” TK explained. 

“I stay with you because I love you, and I will say it every day, every hour, every minute if I have to to get you to believe me.” Carlos declared. 

“I love you too.” Carlos hummed and kissed his head. Minutes passed, and Carlos’ breathing got slower. TK was kinda hoping that he was asleep, but another part was ready to share. “Remember when you told me that I should talk to someone about why I had felt compelled to do something so suicidal?” Carlos nodded, “I think I have always had this need for danger in my life. I like to teeter the line of safety, and I think it is what makes me a good firefighter but it makes me a bad person in other parts of my life.” 

“You’re not a bad person.” 

“I have monsters inside me,” TK explained. “Not crazies or like hearing things but it’s what I call the thoughts that make me do stupid things like take four pills tonight. I have never felt like I belonged anywhere, except with you, here. I finally was happy, and all I could think about is how can I have something so perfect?” 

“You deserve the world and more TK.” 

“I know you’re right, but it is hard to allow myself to have it, but with you by my side I know one day I will.” 


End file.
